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I can’t tell you, dear reader, how many times I have heard someone tell me the story of how they fell in love with their home. A lady doesn’t give her age, but I am comfortable divulging that I am at that stage in life where many individuals and families are buying or at least looking for their first homes. Suffice it to say, I’ve heard the tale told at least a few times by now. The teller gets a far-away, dreamy look in their eyes as they describe the exact moment that they stepped over the threshold, not unlike that I used to see in my high school girlfriends after a really awesome first date with a popular and handsome jock. It’s an apt comparison, I think, because puppy love and real estate romance alike are fraught with complications – the most frequent of which is the tendency to make some really silly decisions. While none of my sixteen year old peers ever came away with worse than a broken heart or the embarrassing recollection of having sworn true and undying devotion after three weeks of courtship, a whirlwind affair with a piece of property can have some much more grown-up and long-lasting repercussions.

Never, ever fall in love with a home. “But Stephanie!” I can hear you protest, “One cannot control matters of the heart! And have you SEEN this house? I mean, it’s perfect! Hardwood floors, a study nook that’s perfect for my grandmother’s desk, a view of the lake…” (Can you tell I wasn’t kidding when I said that I have heard this before?) I’ll counter with this: if you find yourself in the regrettable position of having fallen head over heels in love with a house, please be more sensible about it than my high school girlfriends.

Aerosmith said that “falling in love is hard on the knees,” but irrational devotion to a home can have an even worse impact: on your wallet. Those who fall in love with a home usually want to own it at any cost: even if the selling price is too high, even if it isn’t in as good shape as it ought to be, even if the house is lacking in areas so crucial that things cannot realistically be negotiated. Next thing you know, you are paying three hundred dollars more a month than you can afford on your mortgage and having to charge your groceries to a credit card, your kids are fighting constantly over the single bathroom, and/or you are going broke from the seventy-five mile daily commute that seemed like such an inconsequential detail when you were daydreaming about white picket fences and that beautiful front garden on the morning of closing.

Let me tell you a story. My mother used to know a lady who I will call “Linda.” Linda was, at the time of this tale, newly divorced with two children. The dissolution of Linda’s marriage was messy and acrimonious, and the home she had shared with her ex-husband was sold as part of the legal settlement. Linda was looking for a home. She fell in love with a charming two bedroom home within the same school district her children already attended, and not too far from her place of employment. The house had what Linda called “character.” It was over half a century old, and sported details like cedar-lined closets and refinished crown molding in the living room that made it really stand out from the dull-looking block-construction ranches a few streets over. From her first step in the door, Linda was already imagining cozy Christmas morning breakfast in front of the quaint stone fireplace, and how good she would feel inviting her friends over to visit this adorable little house. The realtor warned Linda that two other couples were already competing for the house, and in the process of obtaining financing approval. Struck by emotion, Linda panicked. She had excellent credit, so her mortgage lender approved her on the spot when she whipped out her cell phone to make the call. Linda “won” the house “of her dreams,” and felt like she had just won the lottery.

Of course, dreams can quickly become nightmares. Linda ended up buying the house at exactly what the seller was asking – it had only been on the market for one week, and she had competition. (Naturally, this was several years ago… not during the housing crisis of the present day!) It was twenty thousand dollars more than she had planned on spending, and located in a neighborhood close enough to the ocean that flood insurance was required. The home inspection revealed that the roof would absolutely have to be replaced before summer brought the rainy season back again, and that the old house’s poor insulation would cost the family an arm and a leg until it was professionally reinstalled. Oh, and there were termites in the walls. Linda’s teenage daughters were livid with their mother for setting them up to share a bedroom, and the house’s overall storage situation – cedar-lined closets and all – was grossly insufficient for a family of three adult-sized women. Linda was already feeling trepidation in the days leading up to the house’s closing, but she badly needed a new home and felt like she had no options but to move forward.

The story’s ending is not as tragic as it could have been. Linda went deep in debt rehabbing the house, and had to live on a shoestring for a few years to pay it all back without damaging her stellar credit. Space was tight, and there were many screaming matches between the girls, but they made due until the eldest child moved out to go to college. Within a decade, Linda had met and married the man who became her second husband, and ended up selling her house of dreams to an elderly couple during the height of the early 2000s’ housing boom for more than she had paid for it. But the story nowadays could have easily ended in Linda and her daughters being foreclosed upon due to financial distress, or the roof caving in. Linda has learned her lesson – she says that she will never allow her emotions to play too much into her real estate decisions from this point forward!

Basically, falling in love with a house puts you in a risky situation. It’s never good to act too interested in a home, for one thing. Showing the seller and/or the seller’s agent that you feel strongly towards the house is a sign of weakness, because it means that you may not choose to negotiate as strongly. Plus, you might be tempted to make a decision that is no good for yourself or your family. Save the romance for your personal life, and let your head lead the way when it comes to buying a home!